"Bye, Mommy!"

Two simple words that changed the course of my life. Anthony is three months old. Quite the milestone. He is past the colicky stage-though he didn't really have one; sleeping through the night; and, if he gets a fever, he no longer requires a lumbar puncture to rule out sepsis in a newborn. It also means the end of my maternity leave. My first scheduled day was Saturday. I dreaded it as it came closer. I love being a peds nurse, but I love more being a mom. Friday night I put Anthony to bed. He looked so sweet, so innocent, so perfect. I caressed his face as he slept, and told him I was going to work the next day. I know he doesn't understand, but I still had to explain why Mom wouldn't be there for him. I then went in to put Josh to bed. I said to him, "Josh, I won't be here tomorrow. I have to go to work. You get to spend the day with Dad." He gave me a big pouty face and said, "Bye, Mommy!" Tears were in his voice, and it broke my heart. I left him in his room and turned to Matt. "I can't do this anymore. I can't leave my babies!" Matt gave me a hug and told me, "That's fine. Quit your job." "When?" "How about Monday?" I was a bit in shock as I said, "Okay, I will." I have had so many doubts since then. How are we going to pay for the continuing education credits to keep my license? How will we come up with the money for car registration, new tires, medical expenses, even the gas in my car! We've used my money for all of this. But I know it is the right decision. The knowledge of it burns within my soul. I know the Lord wants me at this time to stay home with my boys. I don't know how we will come up with the money, but we will find a way. We just have to have faith that the Lord will provide, and go from there.

It may sound silly to some when I say it is changing the course of my life. I only worked two days a month, but I have been a nurse for ten years. I worked so hard to get where I am today. It has always been a major defining part of my life. I was twenty years old when I started working as a nurse! I have always prided myself on my skills. And I'm now cutting the last ties I have to my profession. I will miss my hospital, I will miss my coworkers, I will especially miss the cute little kiddos I took care of. I will miss the feeling I get when I help a child get better. And, prideful as it is, I will miss the pediatricians telling me what a great nurse I am. But I now get to spend all my time with my family, and working to make our life at home as great as my life was growing up. The greatest gift my mom gave me was to always be there for me, and now I can do the same for my children.